Monday, 7 April 2014

Three reasons to avoid getting depression

In case you didin't know (though I can't imagine you don't- I harp on about it so much) I have depression. Despite the very obvious reason that wanting desperately to end you own life is probably one of the most awful emotional experiences you can have, here are three lighthearted reasons you should consider before choosing whether becoming depressed is worth it.

1) you have to fight your stupid mouth every day.
Since I handle medication like a boss, I dont seem to experience most of the advertised side effects of antidepressents. Depending on the specific drug, some of the potential side effects include dizziness, blurred vision, constipation, urine retention, higher cholestrol, and other super happy fun things. But one thing every anti depressent I've tried (and I've been on a fair few) is DRY MOUTH. Oh my lord, it's disgusting. Imagine the worst hangover you've ever had, where you have woken up with a crusty mouth that tastes like someone has been maturing nappy flavoured cheese in it. I wake up to that Every. Single. Morning. My mouth is so dry in the morning, it literally hurts. A tight hurt, like how sunburn feels. So if you enjoy having good breath, or are partial to morning sex that includes kissing, try your best not to have to take anti depressents.

2) you spend a frustrating amount of time waiting.
If you choose to travel to depression land, make sure you take a good book with you. You'll be waiting endlessly. First, at the doctors office to get a referral to a good psychiatrist (and remember that referral only lasts 12 months, you'll be back there in a year), then waiting in the psychiatrist waiting room (where you inevitably play "guess the disorder" in your head about other people who are waiting), then the waiting every time you need a script refilled at your chemist. Seriously, I see my chemist so often, I see her more than she sees her best friend, and im sure I'll  get an invite to her upcoming wedding. Having to explain how I know the bride will be fun "oh, how do I know Janine? She thought I was illegally writing my own scripts because I spend more money on drugs than Paris Hilton does on spray tans, but then she realised I'm just screwed up in the head."

3)  you hate your friends and family (sometimes).
Now, I can't be certain this is an issue to do with my depression, or just a personality flaw, but I have a hard time when people change plans on me at the last minute. When it takes two days to psych yourself up to go to some event or hang out somewhere and then the plans change, it can send me into a tailspin and I end up cursing everyone and everything. Stick to the plan, people! That way I can go through endless scenarios in my head, get my hopes up about the event, have them suitably dashed, and end up hating you for that instead! Gee, it's fun to have depression. I highly recommend it to everyone :)